This is a public declaration of love for my babydoll. We are first cousins. As I read the other stories on this forum, my princess declared my thoughts, but out loud" that sounds exactly like us" and indeed the last three paragraphs I had read to her sounded like the conversation we had, not the previous night. I had to stop and catch myself from crying periodically, as the emotions became to much. Reminding both of us of the time we let slip away for the past 8 years with no talking whatsoever. She brought another stab to my heart when she said, I can't believe that 14 year old girl had the strength to do what took me 8 years to do. So many of the stories on here reflect our feeling, thoughts and experiences, I am flabbergasted.
I can remember being in love with my 1st cousin since I was 12. I am 3 years older than her. My mother got remarried when I was 12, I told my mother that I wanted my cousin Marie to walk with me down the isle during her wedding. I was quite set in my love already. Virtually as long as she's been in my life, I have loved her romantically, as the years have gone by those feelings have gotten stronger and stronger, for both of us. The first signs of her feelings for me also, was her getting out of the Jacuzzi when she was 11. She tried to cover herself as she left me alone, because she loved me but, did not feel woman enough. I slept outside her door that night wanting to sleep next to her, but being satisfied with being just outside the door. As long as we can remember, being in each others arms, or caressing each others hands, made the problems of the world melt completely away. Many times I remember in her company, feeling as though I could die and all would be well.
I never felt the courage to just grab her and kiss her passionately as she wished me to do and I could see so plainly she was as desperate as I for such an act. We respected each other to much to move on the other one in that way. So for the first 17 years of our love, we never touched in any way but with a complete respect. She is my first love, and now my last love. My wife just recently cheated on me and left me for dead. I am an X Marine, with severe PTSD, and after 4 years, and so much lost, and gained, so much money, time, effort, fighting, making up and love, in one weeks time she decided to throw it all away on an affair with one of my best friends. I begged her to stay but she left, little did I know my wife abandoning me would turn into the greatest blessing so that my true love, my Marie could come back to me out of the blue.
I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved my cousin, the sun rises and sets with her. And as she says to me last night "Elijah, no one will love you as much I do". We spent so many years, almost doing something about our feelings. She came to the Marine Corps base with me one day, we were in my room when one of my room mates walked in, and immediately apologized when he saw I was with a girl, he turned around and walked out. Marie, thought to herself, why don't we just fool around, cause people think we are anyways. She didn't feel courage enough to make her move, and I knew nothing of her thoughts til all these years later.
Finally after years of no contact what so ever, she heard I was married, but decided to risk coming to see me here, last thanksgiving. My wife had already walked out by that point. And ironically after not seeing my wife for some time, I saw her with her new friend with benefits a few days before our birthday and anniversary. The pain, depression, and hatred swelled so deep in my heart when I seen them together, it was over whelming. And the fact I had to hunt them down because I had bailed him out of jail not to long before then, (when none of his blood would lift a finger to bail him out) but he skipped bail and left me with $7,000 in bonds when he left with my wife was more of a stab in the back. The night I got her to confess her infidelity, I was in the hospital, marked an agonizing period of time where I would be unable to sleep or eat for days, until my next girlfriend Danni would come to my rescue. Even her love though, did not run deep enough to prevent the agonizing nightmares in which my X wife, left me a hundred different ways, nor would it prevent developing huge sores of acne on my face, nor would it prevent me loosing hair. It has been all worth it though, to have my sweet Marie back in my arms in a way that has never been before.
Anyways this is a thanksgiving 3 weeks after the encounter with my X wife. Marie spent the previous 2 months knowing that her consent to come to Utah for thanksgiving would ultimately lead to our encounter. And when that encounter happened there would be no turning back. The longer she had avoided me the stronger her feelings became. Her subconscious had been screaming to her from her dreams, where I would just show up on her door step, grab her and kiss her, or she would be kidnapped, and after a long ways from home, her kidnapper would reveal himself to be me.
As my mother walked into my apartment, I realized I had been suppressing a lot because just behind her was my cousin Marie and in that moment, I felt as if my heart would explode. My heart rate jumped, I couldn't think. It had been 8 years since the last time I even talked to her. Not to my surprise she was beautiful as ever, but now a grown woman. In moments thoughts scrambled through my mind, the strongest thought was "would she feel the same way about me"? The past 8 years flooded me, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to tell her, so much I wanted to ask her. There just wasn't enough time to even begin.
As I wrapped her up in my arms I could feel her love, and I knew it hadn't changed, especially when she didn't let me go. As we sat and talked she was obviously twitterpated. She was having problems breathing, and couldn't even blink strait, she laughed nervously. I asked her if she wanted to go to the bank with me, when she hesitated I thought I would be funny and say " don't worry I won't kidnap you ". She burst out laughing as the memory of me kidnapping her in her dream snapped into her mind. Little did I know why she thought me so funny. We hopped in my Pontiac Trans Am, and took off for the bank. I started blurting out random thoughts, I just couldn't pull myself together. I am normally very well spoken, and thought out, but being around her throws me completely off. After wondering around aimlessly looking for the right bank, we eventually found one. As we walked through the entrance, I couldn't wait any longer, I had her to myself. I pulled her in close to me and we held each other. I could feel the intensity of her feelings in her embrace.
As we let go of each other, I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. Nothing had felt so right. I imagined her as I had always wanted, as my wife. We walked through the bank and I chuckled to myself as my fantasies were coming true. Something I never thought possible. We finished our business and walked back outside, I grabber her by the arm and pulled her into me. I told her, there was something that I had always wanted to do. After all these years of reliving what I wanted to do, I had my chance to make it happened, but she seemed to avoid my kiss, and she didn't even look up at me. I tower over her considerably as I am 6'4 and she is 5'10, I left her with a kiss on the forehead as she didn't seem to want my kiss. We went back to my apartment and switched cars. After we settled into the back seat of my moms car I immediately reached for her hand. Feeling her hand in mine like that helped to calm my thoughts, but she was still having breathing problems.
We got to the bowling alley, to meet up with the rest of the family before having dinner together. As family rolled in, my sister asks if Marie and are friends again or something. I text Marie, yeah, or something? Marie Text me back, I don't know what to call it, but it feels so right. At the end of the night she left back to California, and we seemed to regress into the past, not being able to move forward. However, a few weeks later we decided it would be best if she came out again for the whole weekend. Talking on the phone incessantly, our 8 years of frustration started coming out, and our benign relationship quickly turned sexual. Time seemed to slow down and stop, waiting to be with her again, but this time in a way we had only imagined before. I've been out of the Marine corps for a few years, but I know how she is about the uniform. I wanted this time to be special, so as I waited for her to arrive at the airport, I put my Dress Blues on. She called to let me know she was here in town. I jumped in my Trans Am and headed for the airport. She had been telling me that she wanted me to grab her and kiss her, I was prepared to do so. I pulled up to the curb for pick up, and got out of the car to try to spot her first. She didn't know I was going to be in my best uniform. I spotted her, but she didn't see me as quickly, as she was not expecting me to be in uniform. We ran into each others arms, and as I wrapped my arms around her, she grabbed me and kissed me passionately, for what seemed like forever. She is the best kisser I've ever had.
We went to church together that weekend, I am no longer of the faith, but I am a Godly man. Sitting there with her was the actuation of dreams culminating my whole life. My parents divorced when I was young. To keep from going insane at times, I could only cry myself to sleep and imagine one day being with a woman who truly loved me. Sometimes I pictured her buttoning up my shirt before I went to work, sometimes I pictured us at church with our children. After all the pain and loss I've been through, in war and at home I had my dream, my dream girl with me in church worshiping God with me. She scratched my back the whole sacrament, it felt amazing, it felt so perfect. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. Our weekend was amazing, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, I have never felt like this with any other girl. No other girl even compares to her, not even a close second in comparison with her. She's in a league of her own! And at last she is all mine!
To those of you still struggling, Godspeed. May you be blessed in your endeavors to find true love. But as for me and my babydoll, we have finally gave into something we knew was so perfect from the beginning. Whether people accept it or not, we weren't sure what the consequences would be genetically, we just planned to find some way around it. Fortunately, we found this website, and the truth about ignorance that is so rampant even in 2011. Genetically justified or not though, we decided that we are what matters most to eachother. Our happiness, not our sadness so others can feel right in their head about something they don't understand anyways.
Marie, I love you with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. Always have, always will, death may cause us to part for a lil while, but I will love you still and will find you after the veil and into the rebirth of some future life. You are my soul mate, at times I have questioned God, but looking back on life it appears that someone or something is personally directing my life. Whether that be stopping the laws of physics in war to perserve my life, or strengthen me with trials to be the best husband and father, or even delivering me my perfect girl, almost as if someone is speaking to me through the veil. Take heart my son for God is with you, and God loves you.