I have recently been through a difficult time. For about a year I got feelings for this girl who I worked with, they were always one sided but she was a friendly person so it was hard to tell for ages. She went of to university in London and later I went down to see her as her friend. But I had things in my mind about possibly making her my girlfriend. I had lots of shocks when I went to see her, first she told me of lads she'd snogged and stuff, I didn't like hearing this, then she said she had a 6 month relationship with her first cousin, although marriage to a cousin is legal here in England I do not think it is right. I freaked out when she told me this, I threatened to commit suicide because I couldn't  handle what I had heard about her past, it put her in a different light. We are not even friends now, I've called her 'not physically attractive' (offensive really?)  and she has called me rude and the thought of a relationship with me is disgusting to her.

I feel a bit guilty about how rude I have been, but to make me feel better I get a visual image in my mind of her snogging and hugging her cousin. It makes me think sod her, I don't care when I think about that, I'm not guilty. I just don't think it's right, think about it. One of her cousins' parents has the same mother and father as one of her parents. i.e. the SAME blood, no? It is almost like a half brother or sister isn't it? I mean a brother and sister (the girl's father and her aunt) come from the same two people, have alot of genes, etc. in common. Surely it's just not done?
 

First, dear, I apologize for being such a laggard in responding to your letter. As it happens, sometimes the staff here at Idlewild Acres tidy up my things and they must have put your letter under a pile of  old papers or some such.

Andrew, although your Aunt Kate is somewhat a woman of the world, I'll confess that your use of colloquial English took me a few moments to sort out. Here on the other side of the Atlantic our street language is just a bit different. Specifically, I refer to your use of the verb "to snog". For our readers west of the Atlantic, snogging is a rather vulgar, sloppy kind of wet kissing. My British friends tell me that when speaking of caresses, snogging is to kissing what aggravated assault causing bodily harm is to spanking in the world of corporal punishment.

Now Andrew, I do hope you haven't gone and off'ed yourself, as your letter said you might. You have some things to complete, if you haven't already.

You are right to feel guilty for being rude. You were wrong to allow your frustration with this young woman to descend to a verbal mud slinging match. At least you owe her an apology for that. If you have not made it by now, you should sit down with a pen and paper and write to her saying simply,

"I was wrong to loose my temper and composure when we spoke. For a long time I have found you to be an attractive and friendly young woman. I apologize for behaving in such a way as to hurt you. I regret that I have damaged our relationship. I retract the unpleasant things I have said about you and your companions."

Then, as far as your Aunt Kate is concerned, in the end you will have at least behaved like a gentleman.

To answer your question, Andrew yes, it is done.

Speaking of gentlemen, if you review your Burke's Peerage, you will see that cousin marriages are extremely common in England. At least historically they have been common among the gentry. Your current Queen Elizabeth is married to her third cousin, the Duke of Edinburgh. Almost every English family has some incidence of cousin marriage.

Andrew, I would work on developing your social and interpersonal skills and stay away from beer at football matches if I were you. In the mean time, if this young woman never wants to speak to you or see you again, leave her alone. If visualizing her in intimate embrace with other lovers is the best mechanism you have to suppress your affection for her, you do both she and yourself a disservice.

I am sure by this time you have freaked back in, and have recovered quite nicely. If you have questions about relationships with your own cousins, please feel free to write again.

Your
Aunt Kate