Dear Auntie Kate:it is not. My first cousin and I were involved in a relationship for 8 months. He is 25 and I am 23. Everything was just fine. We never really discussed the whole coming out of the closet so to speak thing, but I kind of felt that he would be ready to do anything for our love. We were living together for 6 months of the relationship. I recently moved out because people had started talking about us being more than cousins and that was probably our fault because we moved in right next door to his parents, my aunt and uncle. He didn't really stick up for me when it came time to make the decision of whether or not I would leave. He told me that he didn't want me to go, but never told his parents that. So I ended up leaving, not wanting to cause problems. Through out our relationship he was very loving, and then all of a sudden about 1 month ago he starts telling me how he thinks that we should end all of this. He doesn't want to lose his parents over this, and he wants to have kids.
I explained to him that if your parents love you they will eventually support you. As far as the kids, I know there is a risk, but it's worth it. We have had numerous arguments over this and he just can't commit to what I have, and that is us and the consequences that comes along with it. He is now looking into dating another girl, younger I might add, and I'm being shoved to the sidelines. There is a lot more to this story, but I don't want to bore you with the details. Let's just say I did everything and then some, that a woman should do for a man when she loves his. He did, too. Why did he stop?
Dear Confused,
All my life dear, I have been criticized for not knowing when to let go. I think it's probably easier to see it in other's relationships than your own. I drink the tea down to the leaves. I drink the fine wine down to the sediment at the bottom of the bottle. I hold my love until my heart is exhausted. Dear, take my advice. Drink the tea before it's bitter. Leave the grit at the bottom of the bottle, kiss the losers good-bye before they steal your heart.
One of the saddest things about cousin couple relationships is the pressure they come under. The strong of character and strong of heart stay. The others wish they could. Cousin relationships are not for the weak or feint of heart.
Sweetie, let him go.
Cry. For several days at least. And when it hurts to cry more, you will see that the relationship must be over. Then get your hair done. It will feel really nice and indulgent. You should do that to start down the path of doing a few things for yourself.
Why did he stop? He stopped making every effort to love and be with you when he decided the grief of it you outweighed the joy. It's simple. The fellow doesn't know what he missed - he never saw beyond the bedroom. Or he never saw beyond his mother's angst. Or he wanted a faster, fresher model more than a sincere and committed life partnership.
But dear, your Aunt Kate knows a secret that he is never going to learn. The ones who feel the deepest grief also have the potential to feel the greatest joy. What a fool! He's missed one of life's greatest wisdom's completely. For perkier, or prettier, or less family bother, or more money, or some stupid and short sighted reason he's given up the potential for genuine love and happiness.
Any minute dear, after your good cry, you can start kissing toads and the magic that goes with it will turn at least one of them into a handsome prince. I promise.
Your
Aunt Kate
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