Dear Auntie Kate:

Dear BB,

Well now, your Aunt Kate would slap your face if you were within reach! You need a little jolt. BB, what your Aunt Kate wishes is that she could help you be as mature and wise as a thirty year old, and still have all the glorious potential that you do now.  If you can stick with what you're feeling and be as honest and loving as you are now, you will have an amazing life as a lover.

You know, sometimes boys get stuck on that last little bump before they start to shave every day, before they learn to be pleasantly inviting and assertive socially, before they learn the difference between desire and demand. They need just some little growing up experience to become young men.

Fifteen is such an awkward time - I bet you know it yourself. Certainly pretty little girls of seventeen know it. The nice ones understand and condescend to you, the nasty ones just tease and hurt you. Sorry BB, until you can just take that last little step from late childhood into late adolescence you're doomed to misery.

But your Aunt Kate has good news for you, don't worry, it's coming. ;7)

BB, you watch the way adults like your mom and dad interact with women. I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself, but do your utmost to view the girls and women in your peer group as people. Like you. Ok, they may BE hot babes, or your cousin may be the HOTTEST babe, but really she's just a person who has dirty socks like you and I.

Now, you wouldn't get flustered talking to your old Aunt Kate, would you? With a tea bag under each eye and too much evidence that the laws of gravity and practice of dentistry are to be taken seriously?

The way to relate honestly to other people is to assume that they feel and want the same things that you do. Then sincerely believe them when they tell or show you differently. If you just treat them like people (not like your fantasy says you would like to be treated) you will be just fine. Ok, if you are shy or busy pitching tents when you should be carrying on a conversation it's not easy, but I can tell you have the strength of character to do it. Just buck up, young man and have the courage to be yourself. (My goodness, I sound like my Dearest when he was a drill sergeant!)

You seem like an articulate and well spoken young man. That speaks well for your future and your relationship with this lovely young cousin of yours. It speaks well for your future with people in general. Being able to express what you feel is one of the most important skills of humanity.

I encourage you to drink a cup of hot coffee every morning. Wear deodorant. Brush your teeth. Learn to shave every day, whether or not you need it. Take up a conditioning sport seriously. Take showers. Develop adult living skills. Develop emotional skills that go with being an adult.  The most important one is when you have feelings, learn to express them in a sincere and genuine way. Don't be afraid to feel desire, you have a long and wonderful road ahead.  Trust your Aunt Kate on this point.

Usually, BB, I get letters from young women who have crushes on their cousins. I tell them to enjoy the wonderful emotions they're having. But, a little bird tells me that it's harder for young men.  What I am telling you is that it doesn't matter what your intellect is saying to you, your emotions are real and valid. Don't you worry that it's all so dramatic and overwhelming.  When you really are that suave debonair young man of thirty two, you will wish  your emotions and feelings were as intense and genuine as they are now, or at least your lover will.

How do you get her to tell you her feelings?  BB, every young woman of seventeen understands having a crush. Trust your Aunt Kate.  When you get a private moment just tell her that and she'll understand completely. Say, "Mitsy, I have the worst crush on you, I don't know what to say or do."

If she is cruel, or immature you don't want her attention, but at least you will know what she feels. If she is warm and genuine, she will be flattered by your affection, and say so. She might even offer to be your buddy or friend. Could you do worse?  The very BEST case (but don't count on it) she might cuddle up and tell you she's been waiting for you to say so.

Oh BB, I'm envious of her!  Such a nice young man in love with the idea of being with her! And she hasn't even had to say hello!

Don't you worry, anything you do is going to help you over that little hump. Like it or not, within a few weeks you'll be closer to being that sophisticated, experienced, 007 type guy you think that nice cousin wants. Careful - she might like you the way you are now!

Best of luck ma cherie!
 

Your

Aunt Kate
 

PS. Go to sleep earlier. Tea bags under the eyes aren't attractive to anyone. Again, dear, trust your Aunt Kate on this point.