Dear Auntie Kate:

Sincerely,
Lonely and Confused

Dear Lonely and Confused,

It sounds to your Aunt Kate like you are having a real struggle. Sorry dear, sorting out affection, attention, love and lust is never easy.

Perhaps LC, you should be looking for your meaningful relationship in a different way. Men who you attract by sensual or sexual means will value and build their relationship with you that way. Women who are promiscuous but lonely often have self worth problems. All they see in themselves that would be attractive to men is sex. They and their relationships become defined by their sexual performance or behavior.

LC, I'm going to suggest to you that you accomplish something in some other area of your life. You're eighteen - go to college. Join the basketball  team. Join the band. Read. Act in the school play. Learn to love who you are and what you do. Develop friends that see you from a non sexual perspective. Find some area of your life where you can achieve, and be proud of what you accomplish.

You will find that men from your peer group that are attracted to you by your creativity, or your intellect, or your great hook shot will be more likely to develop a meaningful relationship with you. That you are openly sexual, have a great body and know what to do with it is a great bonus. Trust your Aunt Kate on this. But, a meaningful relationship is built on common experience, values and interests. Age difference isn't a big thing - but at eighteen if the basis of your relationships is sex and you have significant age differences in your relationships, it is a problem.

I read both good news and bad news in your letter.  Thirteen is an early time to become sexually active. In my reading and from my limited experience (*blush*) the earlier a woman becomes sexually active, the more likely she is to have a satisfying and happy sex life. Unfortunately, most women who become active at such a young age have some sexual abuse in their background.  This is consistent with low self worth, promiscuity and long term failure to establish intimate relationships.

If this sounds too familiar dear, you should speak to your school counselor or independently take some psychological counseling. Kate just isn't qualified to help you through such a problem.

If it sounds over the top, well LC, take my advice and have a wonderful time. Do something else that you really like. Meet some great guys your own age, but keep your knees together until you have some real shared interests and affection. Then, use sex to express that love and affection, not to generate it. You'll find that that just might work.

Best luck dear, do look after that sweet and tender heart.  Write again and let us know how you do.
 

Your
 

Aunt Kate