Dear Auntie Kate:

Please help me.

Dear Cuz,

You are facing one of the nasty little problems of love at a distance, and I think I know why.

I bet you know just how hot and hungry and eager that southern boy can really be. Dear, you just remember that it's YOU that he's so hot and eager for and that might make you a little more comfortable. Remember love, when those southern gentlemen save it up for a while their little visits every now and then can give you quite a surprise in the oh-my-goodness department. Your experience may not necessarily reflect his normal state of amourous capacity and desire, if you know what I mean.

Yes dear, your man does seem to be a gentleman. Over the years, Kate's gentlemen callers have told me the same as your good fellow. Male desire is not all about conquest and gentlemen really can control their urges. Of course (**blush**) that didn't preclude them from becoming completely overcome with desire shortly thereafter. At least their ideals were noble and their aim was good.

I do know that there is nothing so painful for a man as caring enough to answer questions that shouldn't have been asked. Don't make your man shoot your relationship in the foot by placing him in that position. Southern belles know that nothing is so seductive as love without demands. Dear, you better practice it or some little Scarlet will be practicing it on your behalf.  And dear, I know I don't have to tell you, don't ask for any level of commitment you can't provide yourself. It's simply unfair, unwise and unkind.

Honey, I only see two solutions for your anxiety.

The first is the easiest. Now, who goes for a little snack of fast food, a bucket of greasy southern fried chicken after a real gourmet meal prepared by an expert chef?  Now let's see... if you can imagine one... An aperitif, say dubonet on ice, while you discuss the menu. Help build the appetite. Perhaps start with some nice smoked salmon, with capers, a few thinly sliced onions and a nice malt whiskey to start. A very northern dish, light but flavorful and satisfying with the promise of more.  Then the soup. Just a tiny bit salty, builds a bit of an appetite and modest thirst. A cool tall slow glass of water. Mmmm.. very satisfying.  Maybe then a light salad, say some tomatoes and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and light olive oil. A bit exotic, but rich and tangy, real beefsteak tomatoes, imported oil. A lovely, relaxing course. Delicious.  A nice sherbet together to cleanse the pallet. For the entree a hearty roast - say prime rib with spicy horse radish and a nice robust red wine. Deep, rich and satisfying flavors. Wine smooth, gentle in the mouth but not lost in the hot creamy horse radish. The kind of course that seems to take forever, so one dines  slowly, but of course indulging in every minute. Utterly, resoundingly and completely satisfying. Then maybe a little breather. Say, maybe adjourn to the parlor for a little stand up - stretch the legs and make room for more, while the teensy little bit of desire for something sweet builds. Desert? A big, fat slice of hot apple pie with ice cream. Peach or pecan would be just too sweet and sticky. Apple pie is not only delicious, it's traditional in the north. Slow, maybe a touch of cinnamon in the pie and rich, creamy French vanilla ice cream. When the appetite begins to wane some do so like a little French treat with a real American taste underneath. And to finish maybe relax for a moment. Then a good brandy and a cigar. Maybe malt and a few nice nuts. Something special that you can't get everyday. Rich, powerful. Intense flavors that you have to work to appreciate, maybe acquire a long time habit or even addiction to really enjoy.

There you have the recipe dear. Seven or eight gourmet courses and I don't care how hungry he is, he won't be eating again for at least a week.  Those southern dishes have a certain naive charm, but they just can't compete with a sophisticated cosmopolitan kitchen.  Dear, if you were to go south to cook there on the even weekends and he was to come north on the odd ones, you could both be just stuffed to your complete culinary satisfaction and never have to stop for fast food anywhere.  Yes there is no medicine for fidelity like fatigue. You just keep him worn right out whenever you get your hands on him. Why, if I read between the lines of your note dear, it sounds like he may not recover for at least a week or two.

The second solution to your problem dear, is to get together where the relationship will work out best and stay together. You can't gain weight from the kind of meal I'm talking about. As a steady diet it's quite nice, even if every meal isn't a special occasion.

Yes, (sigh) I am always hungry but fear that I have long since wasted away from dining alone.
 
 

Your
 

Aunt Kate