Dear Auntie Kate:

I just stumbled onto your site today while I was surfing.  Some of the stories I've read have really touched my heart.  I decided to tell you a little bit of mine to give some people hope.  I have been married to my first cousin for 10 years now (we will celebrate our 11th anniversary this November).  I met him for the first time when I was 12 (he was 18).  I don't think I had any deeper feelings at that time, but I did seem to get along with him very well; I wasn't a little brat to him the way I seemed to be to everyone else.

We saw each other again the summer I was 15 or 16, which we both laughingly refer to as the "Summer of the Raging Hormones".  He told me then that he was in love with me.  However, due to circumstances and situations that happened in between these meetings, I was very jaded and distrustful of anyone that said they "loved me".  I told him he would be better off with someone else; in fact I felt he deserved someone much better than me.  He went back to college and I continued with my life.  We always kept in touch though, and through the phone at least he always seemed to be there at the most trying and difficult moments of my life.

To make a long story short, he kept the communication open, and when he felt he had given me time to grow up and mature, he tried again to develop the relationship.  This time I decided that I was ready (still apprehensive). We told our family and though there was a little hesitancy and surprise, all in all everyone that mattered (our parents) turned out to be very supportive.  We don't have children.  This is not due to any concern about genetic problems.  We are both working on graduate degrees (mine involves genetics) so we are well aware of these concerns.  We just haven't had much time and feel that children deserve our attention.  We haven't ruled them out completely (either our own or adopting).

So, here we are, very happy to be together.  I think what helped us immensely is that we both sort of led our own lives for a while.  Even though we kept in touch we needed this time to mature and see the world on our own.  Life doesn't come with guarantees; I can't say where I'll be in 10 years from now.  But there is no use in worrying over something that hasn't happened yet.  If you do, you miss out on all the wonder there is at hand.

I hope this helps, and I look forward to visiting your site often.

Mountain Woman

Dear Mountain Girl,

How nice to hear from you!  So often I get to hear about peoples problems, it's so wonderful to hear about some successes every once in a while.

I think you've hit on a couple of choice bits of wisdom, dear. There are no guarantees. Don't miss the wonder. The people who are there and supportive for crises are the ones to love and hold. And be patient with the ones you love.

How lovely to see you living these great truths.
 

Your,

Aunt Kate