Dear Auntie Kate:

Name: 14 and in love

Dear Fourteen,

Well sweetie, fourteen isn't the age it used to be when your Aunt Kate was there, but it still is young. Dearest one, I don't mean to throw a bucket of cold water on your fire, but I really don't like what you have cooking on it.

Just don't do it. I really want you to grow up a bit before you start worrying about babies and life long relationships. Oh, I hope you don't read my letter and think that I am just preaching at you like your parents.

Dear, I'm sure you have a delicious little healthy body that feels so much more grown up than it did a year or two ago. Taking it for a little test drive must be really tempting to you, and tempting to that handsome young soldier. Being in love with him makes it even more tempting and sweet.

But dear, you are at a really difficult time in your life. You have grown up desires, feelings and a pretty, almost grown up body. But you still have a little way to go before you are finished. Our country has a law that you have to be at least sixteen years old in most states before you are wise enough to decide about things like sex and babies.  Now, lots of girls do it, but lots of girls get in trouble, miss or leave school, have babies on their own, or abort babies and mess up really nice lives. It's just not right dear, even if you are in love.

But dear, there is even worse news. If your mom calls your grand mum and asks to speak to you, they will find out eventually what you've been up to. That nice young soldier that you love so much will get in really big trouble. His "sarge" will put him straight in jail until a very nasty officer boots him out of the army for ever. They will say he raped you.

Why?

Well sex with someone without their consent is rape, and until you are a concenting adult (it varies by state) the law doesn't accept your consent as real no matter how badly you want to give it.  It's a technicality, but one that is there for a really good reason.

So love, remember that soldiers grow up really fast. The world they live in is really rough. Your cousin might be sincere, handsome and a really great guy, but I promise that you and he have really different ideas about looking after an unplanned baby. Soldiers like to get free for a week of leave, drink with the guys, maybe have a nice little fight somewhere, have some rough and tumble sex, then get back to the base for the rest of their nice little war, or maybe some training. Well, not all soldiers are like that but some are, and all soldiers are under peer reassure from their friends to be that way. Soldiers have been just the same for thousands of years. It's an important part of who they are - every day they train to kill or be killed to keep the rest of us safe and secure. The hard part of being a military man is that you sacrifice many of the things you love about civilization to be able to protect it. Maybe being in love with you is a way your nice young soldier can keep a bit of his humanity and feelings intact in the really hard rough and tumble world he lives in. That's really sweet, and it would be really sweet of you to help him that way, but not by making babies or having sex with him. That's why they say that love makes the world go around, and it is nice to know that you can help by simply loving him.

Yes Fourteen, if I were you, I would keep those phone calls and love letters just flying back and forth, but until you are old enough to be a consenting adult, please keep your pants on sweetie. Please?  No matter how tempting it is, your Aunt Kate promises that you will be happier if you don't get talked into anything you shouldn't do.

So, if you do love that young man with all of your heart, go and visit your grandmother and tell your parents where you are going. And tell them that  you are seeing a nice movie with your cousin. I think that Star Wars movie about space and robots and wars would be a lot of fun for a young soldier and his even younger little cousin. Even if he has seen it already. There's lots of marching and shooting, and adventure, you'll both love it. But dear,  after one or two sweet little kisses goodnight (above the waist), let him go off with the guys. Have your grandmother make you a nice hot cup of tea and you can tell her all about everything you did with your cousin.  I know it sounds boring, but this way in a few years, you may still have a wonderful relationship with your parents, your grand mum and especially your cousin. If you get in trouble now, well, all the people you love most may be really hurt and it will be pretty unpleasant.

Oh yes dear, I have to say this - if you do loose your head, you just make sure that brave and handsome soldier marches to the nearest store and buys some condoms. And no beer, or alcohol at all. That's the only safe way to play with soldiers. There won't be any babies or any surprises, or any unpleasant trips to the doctor for embarrassing discussions. Kate is sad to say, but in this day and age you can die of a little good sex. Being safe is very important.
 

Love,

Your Aunt Kate