Dear Auntie Kate:
I have recently met my mother's first cousin's son and seem to have hit it off inmediately.  We both have children from previous relationships(he has an 8 yr old and I a 1 yr old). It seemed to me we were very compatible and therefore began spending time talking on the phone and frequent visits at home.  One day I did not hear from him and became curious at his dismissal after all the enthusiasm in the growing relationship. Just recently I heard from another cousin who spoke to him and was told that after being asked for me his reply was, yes we met and spend time together, but we are cousins...I still don't understand his inmediate withdrawal but perhaps he is afraid for there might be a risk in a consaguinal relationship, both socially and biologically.  Is there such a risk to be afraid of?

Dear E,

Yes, there is a risk in having a relationship with your cousin. It's a
minimal risk biologically and even socially. The greatest problems our
cousin couples have tends to be with pressure and rejection by parents,
children and immediate family. We have never heard of a cousin couple that
felt social pressure to be so great they abandoned their relationship. We
have seen many cousin couples come apart as a result of family pressure.
It's sad that the ones who proport to be most loving and supportive feel
justified in exerting such a negative influence.  Sad, but true.  On the
other hand dear, some families have a little giggle then throw the bridal
shower!

I expect dear, that your cousin has succummed to some pressure or social
convention and is trying to withdraw from his relationship with you.  I am
so sorry, he doesn't get my nod for being a great communicator.  His
behaviour has been hurtful and you deserve a nice little cry, a cup of hot
tea.  Perhaps you even deserve some nice orchids, a heartfelt letter
expressing his love and desparate pleas for forgiveness!  I can provide the
shoulder and tea, I don't think the spray of orchids and reconcillation is
in cards.

Your

Aunt Kate
 


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