Dear Auntie Kate:I love my cousin very much, we have been married 18 years. We have three beautiful normal (GIFTED) kids and I've never thought of her as my cousin, nor has she. We worry about a few jerks in the family who might tell our children, before we have a chance to explain that we fell madly in love with each other and had a wonderful relationship for ten years, and almost forgetting we were cousins, we had children. We love each other very much as though we were soul mates, and don't know how to explain to our children that we knew what we were doing was wrong, but our love for each other was too strong... We are still as much in love as we were 20 years ago, and I don't think either one of us thinks about being cousins any more. But our ignorant family can't think of anything else. What would you suggest from information you have received? Tell the kids (who are smart and beautiful)? Or try to deceive them knowing all who know are soon to grow old and die? I don't believe in lying to my kids, but in this case is the truth the best thing?
Dear Parent,
It's wonderful that after 18 years of marriage you're still going strong! But your concerns seem a bit unfounded to me.
You don't mention the ages of your children, but I would suspect that if anyone were to bring their genetics to their attention, it would have been done long ago. Regardless, your children deserve the truth, and it should come from you and your cousin.
Before you go apologizing to them, there are a few things you need to understand. To "explain to them that what you were doing was wrong" would be more damaging than any ignorance of your family. Having children is NOT wrong. Marrying a cousin is NOT wrong. Please, please, educate yourselves on the legitimacy of your relationship before you contribute to the bigotry that rules society by telling your children that they should not have been concieved! Then, and only then, sit your children down, tell them the truth, and provide answers to their questions that are based on facts!
You don't mention your religious affiliation, but most people, even those who say they do not believe in God, will use the Bible to back up what they believe is right or wrong. The Bible has alot to say in favor of cousin marriages. And medical research shows that genetic defects are a very minor issue. The fact that you have three intelligent and gifted children is proof in itself that it is of little concern. Warn them that many people will say bad things if they tell anyone, but arm them with the facts so that they can help to dispel the myth, should it ever be brought up.
Cousin Sarah
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