Dear Auntie Kate:I have been involved in a relationship with my 1st cousin (mom's sister's daughter) for almost two years. We love each other deeply and want to get married but our families will never, ever , ever accept it. However, there is nothing that could break us apart. We were made for each other and I would rather die than even think I could not be with her. We are sexually active and know each other's bodies, minds and souls from end to end. I am really scared about this. Can you tell me what I should do and what are the possible complications that our baby could have?
Dear Scared,
From the way you write, I am led to believe that you and your cousin are both still very young. While you are still living under the authority of your parents, there is little you can do to convince them that they have no right to determine who you see or do not see.
But there is good news! No matter how insufferably long it may seem when you are still living at home, that magical age of 18 does inevitably arrive! When you are both of legal age to marry, don't let your family's opinions stand in your way. They will learn to accept it in time, if they don't surprise you first by supporting your decision. Of course, you may have to move to another state if the law where you live prohibits cousin marriages.
When the time comes that you and your cousin want to expand your little family, you would be wise to see a genetic counselor. That is something I recommend to anyone, even if they are not related. The risk of birth defects is really quite small, about 1 1/2% over that of anyone else! A genetic counselor can help you determine what your actual risk will be, as determined by a great many factors. Family medical history, smoking, drug or alcohol consumption, age, and many other things are taken into an account.
In the mean time, enjoy your youth, and cherish the love you share!
Cousin Sarah
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