Dear Auntie Kate:
I have recently become involved with my first cousin.
I was going to wait to tell my family about it until I
was sure I knew we where it was going.  My ex- boyfriend
found out that he came to visit me last weekend.  He
leaves in Utah and I live in Minnesota. My boyfriend
called my mom and told her.  My mom wants me to go to
counseling because she thinks I have a problem with guys.
My ex-boyfriend keeps telling me that I have a problem
because it is not normal to be in love with your counsin
and that it is really wierd.  Both of them have offered
to pay for my counseling.

Should I go to counseling? What can I do to make them see
I don't have a problem?

Dear Mary,

It is no defeat or humiliation to go to counseling.  In fact, if you go to
an openminded and level headed counselor he or she might just say that
you're completely healthy.  Counselors are trained to be supportive and have
a good professional judgement when it comes to sorting out what perspective
is healthiest for you, their client.

From your very quick note dear, I would tell your ex-boyfriend to mind his
own business and get on with his life. I would tell my cousin that I thought
he was very special. I would tell your mother that you don't think that you
have a problem but that you promise to respect her opinions if she will
respect yours.  I would agree to go to counseling and I would allow your
mother to pay for it.  But, I would only agree if your mother would allow
the counseling to be completely confidential, private and allowed you to
choose the counselor.  Choose one who's qualifications are good, who's
openminded and who's personal style you like and whose opinions you can
respect.

You do have people around you who love you, that's the best thing.  If
you've been a bit ambiguous with the ex, you should tidy that up. Don't give
him any reason to hang around believing that he has a right to control or
make input into your life.
 

Good luck dear!
 

Your Aunt Kate
 


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