Dear Auntie Kate:
My best friend has recently become involved with his first cousin.
At first, I was shocked and said everything I could
think of to dissuade him. I've gone so far as to isolate
myself from him temporarily, but now that I've had some time
to think, I've begun to realize that it was never my place
to approve or disapprove of his decision - I just need to
learn to accept it. I've been reading and researching as
much as I can about relationships/marriages amongst first
cousins to try to reconcile myself to the idea, but I am
still having a really hard time dealing with it. I've tried
to put myself into his shoes - I had a crush on one of my
first cousins for years, although I never acted upon it -
but when I think about his situation, I sometimes get so
nervous and upset, I actually start shaking. I feel horrible
about being so bigoted about their relationship, but I can't
seem to stop being judgmental.  I'm awfully confused at this
point - not to mention feeling rather lost without the
companionship of my best friend. I don't want to lose my him,
and I certainly don't want to abandon him when he's going
to need support the most (they're getting ready to tell
their families). But before I can be of any help to him, what
can I do to help myself?
 
 


 

Dear Eve,

Help yourself?  Sit down, relax and have a nice cup of piping hot tea.
Then, remind yourself that this best friend will need your support but that
you need to mend a few bridges before you can do much for him.

The best you can do for yourself is to simply tell your friend that you
respect his choice in romantic partners, and that you will support him if
you can. Go and make a new friend or two. Your 'ole bud is going to be a
little preoccupied for the next few months. Although you have been close, or
perhaps even constant companions, don't cling or flutter around like an old
woman with nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon bu meddle in other people's
affairs. (Oh my, what a picture I paint of myself. Sigh.)  That's
inappropriate, and will diminish the value of any help or support you are
able to give.

Now dear, are you perhaps a young woman? Hoping that someday there may be
more to this relationship than friendship? If so, well it is a more
difficult road for you.  I hope that you are emotionally mature enough to
handle what ever falls your way.

Whoever you are, do let your friend feel free of demand and pressure from
you.  Friendship is about mutual respect, affection and support. No need to
get gooey when you say it, just do it.

Your

Aunt Kate
 
 

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