Dear Auntie Kate:Hello, I love this website. My problem... I am divorced, mother of two sons (20 and 17). They live with their father. I currently have co-custody. I intend to move to Ohio from IL to live with and to marry my first cousin. I have been seeing him for 3 years. My youngest son is embarrassed with me about this cousin thing and believe I am wrong. He refuses to come over to see me if my cousin is here. I realize it is my ex-husband who is responsible for this but I have no idea how to get my son to except it. It is very important to me that he excepts the relationship. I am 41 and my cousin is 48. My son believes I have left his father for money, as my cousin is a lawyer. Any suggestions?
First, congratulations! You sound like you have your act quite nicely together.
About your embarrassed son, I do have a few little suggestions.
Think back to when you were seventeen, and try to remember how firmly your opinions were held. I would tell your son that he is old enough to hold his own opinions, but to be wise enough to base them on the facts, and considerate enough not to impose them on others. Tell him the absolute truth about the affection, love and respect between you and your new husband. Tell him the truth about your relationship with him. Tell him the truth about your failed relationship with his father. There's no need to malign or speak with bitterness - just tell the unembelished story.
You are likely aware that there can be some stigma attached to cousin relationships, and also that the adolescent school ground can be a particularly cruel and embarrassing time and place in one's life. This is sad in one view, but in another a wonderful time to learn the value of privacy.
If you give your son some space, the best information, and the best emotional support his opinion will likely change over time.
I do hope I've been able to make some helpful suggestions. Do have that wonderful other half drop me a note! We could surely use an informal spot of legal advice from time to time for some of our readers.
Would he be interested in writing a little "Quick legal facts for cousin couples" article for our pages?
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