Dear Auntie Kate:

 My cousin and I have been in this relationship seriously since January and he had decided that it would be a good  idea for us to move in with each other in a different city  so that none of our family members would find out as we both have agreed that we did not want to tell them at this  time.

He was staying over at his brothers house until he kicked him out because his brother just got married and they wanted their privacy so my cousin moved over to where his  mother and our grandmother live into this little apartment on the property.

Now we never see each other even though it is less then five miles away. He doesn't call me or come over anymore and I can't call him because of being afraid his mom or our grandmother might think something was up. I can't explain them to you, they are just that type to think that something was going on.

What I need help with is, why hasn't he called me or come over. It has been over two weeks and the last time we were together we did not fight or have an argument. When I went over to the house to have our usual Sunday lunch with the family he didn't say but a few words to me and that was it, he went to his little apartment and stayed there, so I left.

I feel as if I have done something wrong but to no avail can I think of what that could have been. At this point I don't know what to do, how to get in touch with him or even get a message to him to ask if we could talk. Any help at all would be greatly appreciated because I am very lost right now and I hurt so bad.

Thank You For Your Time...

Oh dear, that's two broken hearted stories I missed in the mailbag while I took a little breather.  I wish I'd been here to help. Perhaps I'm not too late.

I forget your age and the details of your situation dear (one fogs up a bit with age), but I'm going to assume that you are adult and a real, live and grown up person.

It's up to you to read this situation very carefully.  One of the reasons that your Auntie suggested that a little discretion might be smart is that sometimes relationships just don't work out.  Once the joy has given way to habit, and the romance has yielded to practicalities some wonderful and delightful love affairs just don't make it long term.

I do point out that although you are not constantly under your parents close observation, you still have the pressure of family from his side.  Perhaps he's self conscious and feels guilty about his relationship with you. Perhaps at Sunday dinner, he felt it was inappropriate to invite you, but thought you would sneak off to join him for a little desert! It's hard to tell, isn't it?

Dear, you need to have a heart to heart with your cousin and get your issues out in the open.  If you do that, and still find that you both aren't rowing in the same direction, well, then it's time to be heartbroken.  For now dear, I would be direct. Call.  Your Aunt has no reason to screen your cousin's calls.  Or at Sunday dinner next week, you should ask your cuz if you can get together on some pretext.  It should be a relaxed time and place. Don't demand or pressure your cuz, just ask him if he still wants to build your relationship into more than longing.  Whether or not he is honest with you or himself for that matter, you will probably be able to tell from his reactions and responses whether he does.

Dear, if you find that your affection and desire is one sided, have a good cry and get on with building a wonderful life for yourself.  Better to have loved and lost, as they say!

Your
 

Aunt Kate