Dear Auntie Kate:

I am happy that you have started such a pleasant relationship. And you sound so nicely matched in age, 36 and 40. Perhaps dear, if there is a concern among your family, you haven't calculated your degree of relationship quite correctly.

In North America, I would be very surprised if anyone knew who their fourth cousins were, unless you specifically looked them up for genealogical purposes.  Fourth cousins probably have a common ancestor a hundred and fifty years ago. Your great-great-grandparents would have been siblings, I think. I'm not so good at such things, you may want to ask that nice KC
fellow for details like that.

Anyway, fourth cousins have no prohibition whatsoever at law, or in religion. I should think that telling people might be a conversation piece at cocktail parties, but not a social problem.  Fourth cousins marrying or coupling doesn't attract enough attention that anyone knows how common it is.

So dear, that's the answer to the question you asked.

I suspect though, that you are in a relationship with the fourth of your first cousins. The answers are a little different. There are prohibitions in some states against first cousin marriage, and in some Christian churches. I believe it is considered common between Arabs, and Indians of certain castes so the moslem and hindu relitions must not have a problem. In North merica we don't have statistics, but our experience would lead me to guess that a few in a hundred marriages are cousin couples.

In our North American culture, it is a bit of a taboo.  I've always taken the don't ask, don't tell approach.  Some girlfriends will giggle and become co-conspirators when they learn that you have a cousin relationship, others will be repulsed and disgusted.  Tell if you like.  Close family will likely know, or want to know of your relationship. Again, you are a mature couple, tell if you like.  In your late thirties, they should respect your emotional wishes and eventually come to accept your relationship.

Do follow up with another note, if you would like!  It might be fun to see if I've guessed correctly.

Good luck dear, sounds like you have a winner.

Your

Aunt Kate