Dear Auntie Kate:
My first cousin once removed and I are in love.  He is 20 and I am 34.  We were at a family reunion over the Labor Day holiday and the electricity was so strong that neither of us could resist.  It has been a month now and we are passionately in love.  We are soul-mates and can't wait to be together.  I have been separated from my husband for a year and a half now, and I have two children.  Not only do we have all that against us but he also lives in Dallas and I live in Houston.  He wants to move here but money is an issue.  He can't live with me because of my marital status and that makes it even more of a challenge. I have researched and do not consider our relationship to be incest, however, we are extremely worried about how the family is going to take the news.  My mother has accepted it and my children love him.  We feel that his mother will be okay with it.  We are mostly concerned about his grandmother (my father's sister) and a few others that we know will not accept it.  I feel as though they will blame me and think that I have manipulated or taken advantage of him because I am the older one.  I am also concerned about how my soon to be ex-husband will take the news. Do you have any advice in how to handle the family, my ex-husband, and how to be together soon!  The phone bills and driving is costing us so much money.  We feel so helpless right now.  He came over for the weekend and stayed two extra days because he didn't want to leave me (and vice-versa). Your advice will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in advance!


 

First, I should apologize.  I've just had a little spell and haven't been able to do my correspondence for several weeks.  Please forgive my tardiness.  There is nothing like the enthusiasm of youth!  How delicious for you both!  Dear, I don't know how close you are to your family.  If you are not particularly close, at least for now I would follow the don't ask, don't tell policy with them.  With your ex-husband, I would speak to your lawyer and take advice on the status of your divorce proceedings.
Somehow, I think that having your fourteen year younger cousin/lover named as a corespondent in your divorce could be detrimental to your interests, and the interests of your children.  I'd be extremely discrete where your ex is concerned.  Get your divorce completed.  Settle your custody and division of asset issues. Don't expose your children or family, or ex to your relationship until you are extricated from your delicate situation.  Just cool it dearie... life is long and his enthusiasm is likely to be as great once the papers are signed. Well.. who would begrudge expect a vivacious and enthusiastic young woman a little male companionship?  Sneak away for naughties with your cuz, but don't create a situation that you will both look back on as damaging for the next 50 years. Oh my goodness Sonshine, in my mid thirties I was such a little hot pants!  I just couldn't get enough attention in that very special way.  And I recall from the even more distant past that young gentlemen are quite preoccupied and (emhem) highly motivated at your little cousin's age.  It will be very difficult for you both to be discrete.  But, I assure you dear, your patience will be well rewarded.  You have many years ahead. Best of luck.
 

Your,

Aunt Kate
 


www.cousincouples.com and Auntie Kate are supported entirely by
the efforts of private individuals. Your US dollar contribution, payable
to "Auntie Kate" can be sent to her attention at Suite #1006, 48
Par-La-Ville Rd., Hamilton, Bermuda. Contributions will be used to defer
the costs of maintaining www.cousincouples.com and similar activities.