Dear Auntie Kate:I am currently engaged to my 4th cousin. I am getting really nervous about the complications. When filling out the marriage licensees it asked if we were cousins, of course we said yes and the lady asked if we were blood? Well we spooked and said it was through marriage, because we were both suspicious of the laws (North Dakota). She checks no in the box and we went on? Could we get in trouble for this?
One more question Dear Auntie Kate, what are the implications of having kids since we are 4th cousins. I guess a worry about retardation. One more thing I think we are 4th? Her grandpa and my dad were 1st? Please help and thank you very much!
Dear D,
If your grandparents were 1st cousins, you are 2nd cousins. But, don't you worry. No state in the US prohibits 2nd cousins from marrying. Don't you worry one bit about getting into trouble with the law. Children? Even in the old fashioned states where they do prohibit 1st cousins from marrying, they recognize that the children of second (or more distant) cousins had such little chances of having problems that they weren't even concerned.
If you are still a bit nervous you should read KC's pages of information, a few of my letters about cousin's children, and of course KC's favorite book on the topic. I'll let him add his specific advice to this note.
My goodness! Kate does so love a wedding! You just rest at ease and banish those little butterflies from your tummy.
Your
Aunt Kate
PS - a note from the technical editor:
Many of us who are involved with our first cousin like to giggle at questions of this nature from more distant cousins. Not that we do not understand your concern -- we do.
With second or more distant cousins, there are no legal concerns. You should have answered the person filling out the marriage license in the affirmative. And then planted a wet sloppy kiss on your cousin! Also, there are no increased genetic concerns for more distant cousins. You can contact the March of Dimes and request more information on this subject. Interestingly, the March of Dimes give current information -- which is positive for cousin couples. However they include a "Question and Answer Column" from a bigot against cousin couples. Classic conflicting information on cousin couples. We have doctors and scientists on one side, and a no-name bigot columnists on the other who was probably selling tee shirts last week. Sadly, they get equal time with the March of Dimes!
Yes marriage is always nerve racking, do not let mis-information make it any more so. I encourage you to educate yourself on cousin relationships.
Congratulations and please keep us posted.
KC
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