Dear Auntie Kate:

He would call me from Norway when he would get into port just to hear my voice, he would tell me... He is home now until October and we spent one night together then he only called me once to tell me that he was going to Jacksonville to be with friends.

I have not heard from him since last week. I don't know if  I did anything wrong or what is going on with him. If he said that he missed me so much while he was away and that he couldn't wait to get home to me then why did he leave?

He is 39 years old and retired from the navy then joined the Merchant Marines because he could not stay away from the sea. I am 35 and in Real Estate... It is not like we are children.

I hope you can give me some insight on this...

It's very nice to be able to write to all my cousin friends every so often. Thank you so much for your very nice words of welcome.

All relationships go through cycles.  Some come to an end, some blossom again.  I know that you are aware that cousin relationships come under extra strain because of a number of reasons. Commitments are never easy to make and when they are forbidden and taboo, well that makes it even harder. Oh dear, I sound so negative. I really didn't mean to be, it's just that there are realities you have to consider.

On the up side, sweetie, he may be feeling a little guilty for not spending more time with his other onshore friends, always sneaking off for naughties with his secret love.  Perhaps dear, you might have let a little ambiguity slip into your mutual understanding of what your relationship is about? All I can suggest is that discussion, discussion and discussion are very important, just like the three L's of real estate and affection.

Oh yes, cousins AND long distance lovers.  You do have some things to chat about, now don't you dear?

I would start with a little invitation. When you hear from him, tell him you miss him.  Tell him you want to spend some more time before he puts to sea again.  Tell him you love him.  Wear naughty underwear.  Take him out or better yet, take him in for a nice meal and a yummy little desert. Oh dear, I'm afraid that you know your charms better than I do, but I'm sure that you can think of something simply irresistible. Once you have him back in hand, you want lots and lots of time for conversation and genuine communication about what you would like your relationship to be.  Now doing what you do for a living dear, I'm sure you can consummate such a little exchange quite nicely.

If you can establish a direction and commitment, viola! You have it! It's so nice for a man to come home from the sea and know he has a warm hearth, a warm heart, a warm dinner and a warm bed waiting. And dear, believe your Aunt Kate, sometimes it's nice to be on the waiting end, particularly when you know the shipping schedule and promises have been made!

Now, if this doesn't work out like we all hope sweety, there's another option. It's not an easy one, but they do say it is effective. Many years ago I was told by a weathered old sailor just home from the sea that nothing was as endearing, nothing was as entrapping as an all embracing, no questions asked welcome when ever he knocked on the door. Years later he told me that every time that door opened, he felt like he had come home.

I do hope dear, that this has been helpful.  You've gone and made me weepy with nautical nostalgia. I'll just have to brew up some of my lapsung tea. It smells a bit like an old wooden boat, all oakum and pitch. Very comforting and a favorite of a dear friend now departed. Oh my, you'll have to excuse me.
 

Yours with empathy,
 

Aunt Kate