I have always thought my cousin, C., was good looking, but I never let my thoughts or feelings be more. I guess I just thought blood relatives of any degree were off limits.  It was easy to avoid any thoughts of C. while I was growing up at least an hour away and only saw him once or twice a year at family gatherings. Last summer, I moved into my grandmother's house.  She lives in the same city as my cousin and once said she thought we'd make a good couple.  At the time I said,"Eeeww!" That's what I thought everyone was supposed to think, but what she said HAD crossed my mind a few times over the years. It turned out that C. went to the same community college as I did.  I started running into him around town and at school, but we never really talked.  We just waved "hi" and did the brief "how are you" ritual.  Then I quit my job in that city and moved to a city two hours away.  I've been in this new city for about 2 months and I love it!  Last weekend I attended the marriage of a different cousin and C. was there.  This is where the true confusion begins. We had our first "get to know you" conversation, during which he revealed to me that he had tried to visit me at work several times.  Each time he was told either that he'd just missed me or that I'd just quit.  He didn't know that I'd moved until the day of the wedding. At the reception I was certain C. was flirting with me.  I tried to be open and friendly without being either encouraging or discouraging, since I wasn't sure which I wanted.  I'm not sure how I came off, but I noticed my relatives giving both of us sly, measuring, and knowing looks.  None seemed displeased.  C.'s mom brought up the subject of our ages and I discovered he's about 1yr 3mths older than I.  I am 19 and he
is 20.
 

Dear N.

My, what a fun and interesting story! Just so you know, you're living in one of the typical patterns we see in cousin couples.  First, years of childhood distance or incidental contact, then a suggestion by an older relative, then sparking of a cute little flirtatious cousin romance!  Oh how much fun and how delicious!

O fiddle sticks.. I seem to have lost the last part of your message.  I can't tell if you are encouraged, disturbed or delighted by C.'s charm.

What I will say dear, is that "Eeewww!" isn't the response to expect from your Aunt Kate.  And, happily, not from your grandmother or other relatives either.  That's so nice and reassuring.

Most of the nice folks at <http://www.cousincouples.com> have sorted out their feelings towards their cousin. They have a nice, friendly message board and discussion group to chat about such issues.  Dear, why don't you check them out?  You may save yourself some soul searching.

As for your tingling and titillating attraction to C., well how yummy! Now, don't you dare lose any sleep over the fact that he's your cousin. There's no violation of a position of trust, there's no exploitation involved, so I wouldn't think twice about it.  Both of you seem to be consenting adults with a desire for each other's company. How sweet that you have a long term history, and a permanent relationship already. That's one of the little niceties cousin sweethearts share.

Well, N. dear, one of the social conventions we see is that early cousin couple relationships are quite easily accepted.  When the relationship gets more serious some family member may caution you not to get too close, but I would guess that is some distant point in your future, if at all.

You just treat that nice young man like you would any other. He does seem to be trying hard, but I bet that he is enough of a gentleman to not pressure you. Remember that he is also dealing with his feelings to you and may not realize how obvious your mutual attraction is!

If nothing else, C. may make a wonderful friend and companion!  Perhaps much more!

Good luck dear!

Your envious,
 

Aunt Kate