Dear Auntie Kate:

Dear Mr.Mixed,

Well, you are both wallowing around in quite a muddle. Let me just pour another cup of earl gray, take a little powder and worry my brow for a moment.  Yes, I think I have it. I am going to give you the very best advice for this kind of situation.

Because of the taboo, uncertainty, sensitivity and rather delightful temptations involved in cousin relationships, there is only one bit of advice that can be guaranteed to sort out your situation.
 
We cousins have to remember that treading on the thin ice of taboos can sometimes lead to too much ambiguity. Do you know of any flirtatious cousins who have received an unexpected surprise when taken seriously?  You bet that your Aunt Kate does!  Maybe the response was just perfect. Maybe the response or even the flirtation are shocking, appalling, and a hurtful breach of trust. Oh yes, it does make for a nasty muddle when all is hinted, implied or wished away or wished to be.  How can we sort it out? How?

Yes, Mr. Mixed, direct, honest discussion is the only thing that will do. Make a private face to face time when and where it is obvious that you want privacy without sexual implication.  A nice lingering visit to a cute little lunch cafe before some preplanned family event would be perfect.

Tell your cousin that you do harbor a long term love and affection for her and that you would like to build a relationship with her once her life settles down.  Tell her that you found her attentions sweetly spontaneous and delightful. But also tell her that you realize they were honest, but playful. Let go of any desire that she wants to leap on to the lunch table to start rebuilding the passion in her life. Offer to be her trustworthy, affectionate supporter until her child custody issue is settled, with or without further intimate contact.

Now, the issue of this sweet little daughter - if you read my letters, you know that your Aunt Kate thinks she is main consideration in this discussion.  In our experience at cousincouples.com, children have been quite understanding about cousin couple relationships and quite frankly, rarely notice. Taboos are taught, as can be the attitudes of hatred, kindness, love, privacy and intimacy. You just make sure that your lovely young cousin knows that you won't be party to teaching any of those attitudes and emotional habits that are destructive, and that you would love to share and teach the ones that build good, healthy lives. Having read your letter, I am sure you have the communication skills to do it. (But MM, do keep an eye on those mixed metaphors. The will bite you in the end, and confound instead of elucidate.)

Now, where was the forest? Somewhere here behind all the trees, I recall. Oh yes, when the whole situation settles down, we'll just nicknaming you 'ole smoooothy down at the dining room. By doing the right things for your cousin at the right times, you will truly make both she and yourself very happy. Marriage?  Well, Kate does love a wedding, but sweetie, let's not add stress and more confusion to an already irrational and frustrating time of life. Let's just get sorted out on the divorce and custody issues and the mixed messages. That should extricate the wrench from the works and get the pot back on the boil!

Yes, Mr. Mixed, you said just the right thing to her. Now stick to it, and go follow up. Don't come on too heavy, just be her confident and friend. The rest might well happen for you. If it doesn't, well write another letter to your Auntie and we'll talk about how to handle the heartbreak of loss.
 

Your

Aunt Kate